The End of another Month
It’s the start of another month rolling around again. I don’t know about anyone else, but for me that usually involves several different feelings.
The first is anxiety — that I have allowed time to get ahead of me, to allow myself to do so little during the preceding month that I said I would achieve. To call it another month wasted that I’ll never get back. That anxiety always begins to rear its ugly head as each month comes to a close, with February with the fewest days the worst culprit.
The second feeling coupled to that anxiety is the feeling of disappointment from not achieving all of those things I planned. They seemed to have such promise when the month started, I had started another day in my calendar, seen a different month’s name and watched the day counter jump back down to 1, 2, 3, teling me I had plenty of time to spend on my hopes, dreams and plans.
That third feeling I felt was one of growing resolve. There were some things I achieved. I did manage to tick of some of my todos, I did some things I could be proud of. Perhaps it wasn’t much, but still… it was something… something solid, something tangible. But that would mean I’m not failing. I am making progress, I am succeeding. At least in some small way.
But what about those failures along the way? What about those things I should have done, but didn’t? The things I put off and put off, to such an extent that they flew right off the back of the month? Those things I forgot? Some say I should go through my list again and see whether they actually need to be done, some say I should break them down further to ensure they get done, some just say “get them done you lazy bum!” The first seems a failure, the second, childish, the third… harsh. Which should I do? Yet again the paralysis of choice binds me tighter and tighter, and the next month hasn’t even started yet!
Ah yes, that ‘next month’. That time in the future where it seems like anything is possible. Where those hopes and dreams can start afresh, unfettered by the previous month’s sucesses or failures; where I can endeavour to push those negative thoughts aside in the wake of another boost of productivity and enthusiasm. Hopefully they aren’t misplaced. I guess it’s another time to shine or at least to keep working through those plans. Come on, let’s see how it goes!
